I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
