my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
