im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
