When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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