we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
