Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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