VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my liver is dry heaving
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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