They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
