How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just google imaged poop.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
