She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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