I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
