M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
