Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
