I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
