You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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