My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
