took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
