Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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