420 ftw
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
