There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
