im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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