Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
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I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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