Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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