if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
