i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
