i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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