so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
