Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
