I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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