Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
