I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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