i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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