He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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