seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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