My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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