Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
