so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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