Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
