Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
