ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you never un-have a 4some
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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