wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
