make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
