toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
