She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wear drunk well.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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