is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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