In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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