If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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