Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
