sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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