That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
