I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
