You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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