Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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