we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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