do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
