know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
