I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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