she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm having to shit out rocks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
