i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
