Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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