chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
