I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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