im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
