I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
