She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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