Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
