yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
