Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
