My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
