I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
